Using the same logic, columnist George Will conjured the dread specter of the state brandishing broccoli when he wrote at the start of this month that if congressional power to regulate interstate commerce "is infinitely elastic, Congress can do anything—eat your broccoli, or else—and America no longer has a limited government." Don't think there's anything that sinister about broccoli, friends? Think again. That broccoli is just a front for the New World Order.
Think about it. If the asparagus and broccoli are really coming to knock down our doors and kidnap our children, can helicopters loaded with cauliflower really be that far behind? And what of the eggplant in night-vision goggles? If we're soon to be governed by a totalitarian taxonomy of toxic greens, who—one wonders—will sound the warning against the tyrannical field peas?